Why I chose to stop ana 'recovery'

Ana recovery is about one thing and one thing only, putting the weight back on. 
Why is this bad? Well, for one thing it's about putting weight on and continuing to put weight on even when it becomes unhealthy. When I was first going through recovery I weighed in at 84lbs. I have to admit that I was weak both in mind and in body. I could barely lift a milk jug let alone continue the sport I was really into, running.
So, part by force and part by my own will, I was admitted into a treatment center. There were strict rules for meal time:

1. You must eat everything on your plate.
2. You must have one of every food group on your plate.
3. You may not leave until you finish everything.
4. There are no loose clothing, jackets, or bags inside of the dining hall (to prevent hiding food)
5. You must wait inside the dining hall for at least 30 minutes to insure that you won't purge (like that actually worked)

As you can see, one coming into treatment could literally go from eating 100-300 calories a meal or even nothing at all to eating 600-800 calories a meal. You felt sick. So stuffed you couldn't help but to let it back up. Some girls would even purge right on their plate.

You were not allowed to exercise. Now who in their right mind would tell someone not to exercise?

I went from running 8-9 miles a day to sitting around doing nothing. It took about a month for my weight to shoot up to 120lbs. A MONTH.  In 4 months time, I was 160lbs and in a worse state than I was at 84lbs!

A 'healthy' weight for me would have been 100-108lbs. But not for our dear old 'treatment' facility.

I won't even get into the counseling. Okay, maybe just a bit....

All the counselors are overweight. Huge...and they treat you like you're the one that has this horrid relationship with food. Well, at least we know how to say no.

They make you feel so guilty about your weight and often they don't allow you to see your weight during treatment. They constantly make jokes about you until you just get so sick. They really don't want to 'help' you. They hate you. They're jealous of you because they're fat and you're not. 

When I left the treatment facility I wanted to pick up running again. So I signed up for my first marathon and while going through training, my trainer told me some pretty interesting things....

• Although he did not condone not eating, he did agree that I was too heavy.
• I am 5'4 and though the ideal weight for my height is 110-145lbs, 100-110lbs would be perfect for my frame and help me in terms of running.
• Medical doctors tell me that 100lbs would be fine

So I decided that I wanted to return to my old ana life. I'm more comfortable with it and it feels better to me. I've promised my trainer that I would not get below 100lbs....but I've returned to my regular ana life and I LOVE it!